unsent letters: 01-01-02 (8:44 pm)

slow day. four entries. i don't give a fuck if you think i have no life. why am i angry all of a sudden. i'm listening to kind of like spitting. the song i fell in love with, we got as far as minnesota.

i try so hard with these words to express how i feel. but to speak is to lie, we all know that. i love people who i can just sit and feel with and not say a word. and be in the silence of each other tuning out the rest of the world. i want to give you a magnifying glass into my world. to type the most perfect photograph. to tell you about how grey the sky was, how wet the grass was, and how dry and warm he was and how without the air changing at all i shivered. no words. just felt a shiver. because of what he was thinking. doesn't that make him wha i want? did i just romantsize the truth again?

yet another unsent letter to paul today. Discussing how i use my jealousy (which is rare) as proof of emotions for him which i'm not sure is right. i wrote i love him the most out of anyone i know. that's true. then again i don't know many people. i have many aquaintences but there are only a handful of people who i really know. i love him by default? that doesn't sound fair to him. this needs to become clearer before i start exams.

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