seven ft: Apr. 10, 2002 (10:07 pm)

i must type qickly because really i want to be asleep right now and my eyes are already falling into longer and longer blinks.

i just want to put into writing how unhappy i am. how i feel this new scron for everything i used to adore. his answers now seem like stories that i don't want to hear anymore. i just wanted to hear yes or no, i didn't particularly want to hear his voice. so what was so wonderful? the stories i had made up about him. really i know nothing. and i'm tired of them all.

this freshman, neva (who i haven't talked to since eighth graed)offered me peanut m+m's and we talked about the show and she said her friends are afaid of me. i'm so fucking unintimidating. dory also thinks i hate her. i really dont i'm just cold and distant and i suppose i wouldn't really want to hang out for hours...but still i dont know. give me a few weeks.

i hate myself. i hate my lack of people skills. people rise then set, but they rarely come back again. and all this is done with out any regard to how i feel.

because they just don't know.

it frightens me how perceptive mike is, like i could never hide the truth because it is imbued to deep into my soul.

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