play: Apr. 09, 2002 (9:41 pm)

so i feel like i hate everything again (or maybe this is the first time, because i've always had some ideal). i feel so much scorn for nirvana merchandise. i hate their objective arguments about philosophy. i hate paul. and i'm angry and i'd rather be alone than with anyone else it seems. though more than anything i want to meet somene, but it's hopeless. and it's my fault. i search or some perfection.

pe was cancelled and alex sat by me as i worked on costumes. and i held a poorly glued dress in my lap and spoke with fustration. he came over and untangled the strings, and i could feel the pressure of his fingers through the cloth. it's not that i like him, but i just liked it better when we were alone together. and when i complain about how alone i feel and he says i have him something in the back on my head reminds me i am the pathetic one and he likes her more than me. competitive, eh?

paul will be playing a game at my school tomorrow. yikes.

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