move: Aug. 03, 2002 (9:25 pm)

(the last entry is humiliating)

i go down the freeway in the back of my mom's suv she got when i was sick and dating paul in eighth grade: to preoccupied and tired to protest. i think about him and just want this to be different than everything else. and i can pretend it is; but i'm not so sure if it will ever be anything at all.

i've gotten so used to people's lack of interest.

just: i don't know if i just want to live in a single moment that sustains me for weeks at a time anymore. i'd sort of like to start living. but when i try with the june-crowd it still doesn't feel so magnificent. we're all sort of dscontent hoping to be elsewhere.

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