locked: Aug. 19, 2002 (8:13 pm)

i am not being a brat. i'm being fair. i don't want to stay in this room always explaining all my tears and screams. why would i lie about fucking kickball? i just want to get out of here.

max said punish thy parents and i can't. i hate him anyway. no means fucking no. i didn't want to walk all over you and you begged. self restraint isn't that easy--you can't just blame me.

and so i've been miserable for a year now. sure some of it has to be chemical but the guards at the door have defintly payed their part. i wish i had a good relationship with my parents but they will not let me. you said you wanted me to make sure i was doing things i liked.

i just wanted to sit there reading steppenwolf. sit. reading. not crying.

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