lay: Apr. 06, 2002 (8:05 am)

i said no one could dissapoint me like paul, that was before alex dissapointed me.

perhaps i should be honest but that dosn't give him the right to do it.

i know how she treated him

how she told him not to apply to direct

how she bound him ribbons bight, symbolizing their mutual care, in order to make sure he was not better

how he kept wanting to break them but she would not share in his joy.

and i always thought it would be better if he talked to her completely honestly, but he didn't. and i didn't ever beause it wasn't my place. he did eventually. it didn't get better.

she said i looked different. some new openess to my face. the lack of any care for anyone i consider special, that's what did it.

i know what i did wasn't great.

how i betrayed meryl so i could be happy.

how i covered her eyes with ribbons bright, symbolizing my dishonestly, in order to make sure she did not hear anything she would not like.

how i kept wanting to tell her but she would never share in my joy.

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