drop: Jan. 21, 2002 (8:03 am)

sitting at the bus stop he told me to face him, that he wanted to look at my eyes. to see what was in them. it all sounds so trite now. i don't think he meant it as a line though. why is it that everything lovers say is a cliche?

i'm still looking. for worn in jeans, reading a book or listening to a walkman. walking around the city. who won't talk in cliches or drink corporate coffee. who will lend me books an give me tapes. write me letters and poems. not love poems, but poems about the world, about his pain.

that is me.

i'm realizing it isn't exactly love that i'm searching for. and i'm afraid that's how i'm feeling.

i think i like being alone because i like being with me.

and i'm not saying i want someone exactly like me. but on the other hand i think it's something more similar. someone to go to shows with, and rallies. maybe not all the time, but sometime. to have some mutual interest...not to be the stupid teen movie rebel girl meets good boy. nor to be in the backdrop as the cliquish rebel couples. i've never actually seen what i want.

not houses and aimless walks just to be together. i mean really, how trite.

< - > - all - p - n - d