do or do not?: Jan. 07, 2002 (12:53 pm)

he talked to me this morning. beautiful ben asked me what equations i learned for the test. him pushing his thick black rimmed glasses back on to his nose + chewing on his fingers. him with scruffy hair + worn in clothes. and then i hear him talk about what he did that weeked and remember the first thing i had ever heard him talk about was drugs. and all that stupid beauty just goes away. people like him make me wish i acted more from impulse though. to not say i don't drink but to say i don't want to drink at this time.

i had trouble sleeping last night. wondering if maybe, just maybe, paul keeps me from exploring and that i shouldn't be putting him off since i can't really anticipate how i'm going to feel but i know how i feel now.

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