but also: Jan. 26, 2002 (7:20 am)

i felt shocked and astonished when he said that he didn't think we could go out anymore. i thought how strange i was that so much can change in an instant.

but now i'm more embarrassed than anything. ashamed that i, who doesn't believe change is momentary, couldn't listen to how i felt + how he was acting and figure out that it just wasn't right.

it really was not right.

so now, i feel alone. and i used to walk down the street imagining everyone's secret life. and i don't have a secret life anymore. at least one that i really live.

i can't comprehend why i didn't listen to myself.

but also, more importanty, why did i cry? and why did i keep crying?

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