wish the best: 12-31-01 (9:21 am)

why is there no guy out there getting nervous before he calls me? i suppose it's because i rarely leave my house except alone and i dont really talk to strangers much when i'm alone. but still that's what kept me up last night. paul said he still gets nervous butterflies when he calls girls for the first time. there aren't supposed to be any other fucking girls for him. i wish i didn't think like that...wouldn't it be great if we both could move on at the same time. he said our relationship was 125 minutes in a dark theater. he was tired though and i don't know if he really believes it. that is one of the worst things i've ever heard. that and there fact that he considers me a minor character in the theatrical production of his life. he says i'm a pleasure. he says that means more to him than i think it does.

i hate new years. i get sad and nostalgic (i met paul at a new years party two years ago). meryl and logan are dragging me out. i just want to sleep. i still have to finish a paper. and i have a lot of papers to organize. finals after winter break is awful. today is just another day. nothing changes. things never change so quickly. we just ignore the beginnings because we don't want to see them sometimes.

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