beat: Mar. 03, 2002 (9:01 am)

last night as i was falling asleep i realized that he was probably at a party either kissing some girl or talking with some friends. it's truly awful thing to think about before going to sleep.

i talked with alex about relationships. about how he feared chrsitine was a bit like paul, agreeing with what alex thought a relationship was because she so desperatly wanted to have that with him. and we realized that relationships are so full of analyzing past or planning the future that there's hardly any time for the present.

and that's what truly matters. he only remembers six of those moments. i remember a lot more. and some sound stupid now, but i was a different person then so i suppose my impulsive descisions should be different.

maybe that's what i really need to learn, that impulse doesn't mean stupid. and people do stupid things impulsivly, but people also do great things impulsivly.

looking back it looks stupid to go back with the group i did last week, but it wasn't and that's why i had a wonderful night.

i suppose impulse only works in the right company.

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