look back: 01-01-02 (10:48 am)

a year ago where was i? a mess and stupid and i thought i was fine. is that how it's going to be forever. look back on december and hate it. be strucken by my cuelty or my innane crushes and so-called-image-boosting cigarette habit. when i was me and just me and only caring for me i was too mean, too thoughtless. when i lost all my confidence i was completely lost. am i ok now? do i just think that i am? boys still sweep me off my feet and change my course. i am still stupid. not as much. i suppose that's what matters.

this new girl he's working on, katie, just makes me feel awful. just augh why isn't that happening to me. she's just pretty, she guards her emotions and he doen't even think he likes her. but still he contnues. he is not a good guy. he doesn't worthwhile from that. but maybe it's just because i have no one else that i just blindly grab on to him to keep myself afloat. but he just adds weight and i feel worse. i feel so stuck.

< - > - all - p - n - d