esoteric appeal: Jan. 12, 2002 (5:02 pm)

from the age of eight until two summers ago, everytime i went into a record i headed straight to the p section hoping to find a liz phair bootleg. my fingers flipped through the few cds infront of the card reading 'phair, liz'. Exile in guyville was always there, as was white chocolate space egg (after it's highly anticipated release that is), whip-smart could normally be found + juvenailia occaisionally was there(the fuzzy picture on the cd feuled my eighth grade bond-girl fantasies with a slim woman standing on absurdly high heels wearing in black underwear and a clear trenchcoat weilding a powerful gun). last year i went back to my old habit and found pottymouth girl. i didn't have any money with me. alex lent it to me. i think i payed him bak the very next day, and made christina a tape within the next few weeks. that was the worst tape i've ever made. it had a cool cat power song on it too, but i was on the phone with paul (the first time at home for over a year) and wa heavily distracted. meh, it didn't ruin her impression of my tapes and i made it up to her this year with a tape that i poured my soul into. she loved it. (i now wonder if she still listens to it or if it's just laying on her dorm room floor half way through one side because she pulled it out of her walkman when she heard something else cool or is it put away neatly or if she lost i like i lost the second tape she made me. i'm afraid to tell her that. that was my favorite tape.)

but the point of this was not to talk about christina or even paul. it was to talk about me and my love of esoteric things. i may have listened to other albums in that time but all i realy wante were liz phair songs that i hadnt heard yet. and i diligently persued them, and ironically after i stopped i found it. pottymouth girl is a pretty crapilly recorded live cd. there is feedback and when liz gets too loud is screaches which is unfortunate because she gets loud when she's saying the most important things. i still want girlsounds...i'm sure i can find some copy somewhere now. but it's not really the same if it's a copy.

what was my point in writing this? to realize that how i act with other people doesn't define who i am. Who i am defines how i am with other people.

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