wish: Feb. 18, 2002 (8:48 pm)

let's talk about my condition. i don't know what it is. yet somehow my expiriences have added up to this. and i don't know what choices i can make to get out of it. i just don't know what i am.

alex knew what was bugging me. he was thinking it too. that's what makes him so fucking wonderful.

i think i put limits and restritions on love and that is not right.

i want to feel equal.

i'm afraid of boston. afraid of alienation. afraid of spending all day with them, alex and christine. afraid of starving. afraid of lookng fooling in front of my current interest. afraid that every college boy there will be just like neil. i don't know if that's really fear though.

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