waste: Jun. 18, 2002 (7:08 pm)

we are never on the same page. and i have to humiliate myself over and over proving that. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. you are not a waste. you read psychology studies and belief in something. and you won't talk to me. and you think it's bette for me--well it's worse...because it's not just you. it's everyone because no one wants to be around me. and at least you don't lie about it.

a million times over, it's all in my head. and it fucking isn't. you call her. you go out with her. you touch her for more than a second. you smile with her. you'll miss her you'll miss her you'll miss her. you're only tied to me by guilt. and you know it. you don't care and i'm sure this weekend was so easy for you because you didn't have to think. you are such a fucking waste.

and you'll be gone. and you'll be gone too. and max is in providence. and school is over. so i'm alone.

and i'm a huge fucking waste too.

i wanted to be fine today. i wanted to badly to be fine.

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