want another: Jan. 10, 2002 (6:59 pm)

not much has taken place lately. and it's not exactly a stagnant time either, so i can't spend my days analyzing who i am. exams. two more. history and english. and then it's all over...for another four months.

"lately i've been wishing i had one desire...well i guess i'll have to settle for a few brief moments..."

so am i ok with how things are? i think so. it's not how i saw it. no, i never i would have a boy i would be kissing and then all my idea relationships. i never thought i would wnt to persue a boy that wan't my ideal. just my default? but such a wonderful, wonderful default. and maybe (or maybe not) one day i'll realize he is my ideal. or i won't. i can't really be sure now.

i wish i hadn't told meryl who my idea-crush was. when i see him with her i laugh. i feel stupid. i feel seven. i don't want to be seven. i want to be comfortable. i don't want to be nervous anymore.

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