unexplained: Jun. 09, 2002 (9:19 am)

complete reversal of roles. i, reaching out with secrets desiring help, crushed by a boy who could only play with trust. never fully understand. reunions are never magical. out with our own people. had we been alone.

...it might have hurt me more.

absurd repitition. apology. excitement. fake love. reunion. can't do this. apathy. can't do this anymore. if he appologizes (if because i always think this is the last time.) it can't be so simple. he can't avoid discussion forever. cut and dry would please him despite inaccuracies. ignore past, ignore present eye toward future. before, (before it like it's year zero), he was silent. 'what are you thinkig' 'about us. we go way back'

and alex's unexplained sighs. no understanding of the truth.

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