speck: Apr. 17, 2002 (10:40 pm)

so i feel it back, at school i had this desire to come home and write down everything i had seen.

i had this dream last night. when i woke up i remembered feeling warm and content. there was a boy but i couldn't quite put my finger on who. and then i suddenly realized and thought of meryl and felt incredibly guilty.

feeling more normal, i've gone back to seeing beauty in people. these two boys on the street and others i suppose. but it feels better than being critic.

i can't believe paul could so easily drop me. like i mean nothing. and i feel it everywhere else. everywhere.

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