small: Mar. 14, 2002 (7:15 pm)

i know i repressed this one event in my past, and i wish more than anything that i could remember what exactly it is...but i can't at all. i was three or four or five or six. i think it was some social blunder, or something embarrasing that i did. but that doesn't really help. what if that is the root of everything? i can remember blocking it out my memory but i don't remember what it was.

i'm beginning to doubt that small talk and smiles will get me anywhere with him...but what will?

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