prior: Mar. 25, 2002 (6:12 pm)

one of the last things tim told me was 'anyone who listens to liz phair must have their shit together'. i thought i saw him as i walked down the street today so i quickly crossed over to his side. but he had already gone in a building. i suppose it could've been any man with dishoveled greying medium brown who tends to wear dirty shirts and well worn in jeans. i keep wanting to write tim. i have't seen him since november ninety nine. consider all the things that had not happened. i wonder how his vision is, if he's ok living off of disability insurance, if he got married.

i found this in my pocket. it was hidden in my wallet. i wrote it when i was thirteen and it's falling apart now. the only part i can sitll read is par i wrote last year 'why would anyone think that i pretended to fuck hugh?... and right now i'm in a condition worse that crying. and he is behind the glass laughing with his friends. he does not see me and that is what separates up'

i talked to meryl. i told her he put his arm around me. i realized that it's not that action that matters, it's my part in it that makes me guilty. and that's what i won't tell her. no, i won't tell her how i feel. it's not like i ever have before.

< - > - all - p - n - d