passionate: Aug. 16, 2002 (8:57 am)

i can't be so cheerfully confident about it anymore. i don't know what to do. i don't have a thing to say to him; or anyone at that.

last night she was with the boy from her camp, her brother was with his girlfriend and i was on th phone with paul's mom. he can't always be gone. because if i'm never really going to be his friend, i might as well dig up the past.

i don't remember how to make friends at all. and there are so many wonderful people but i'm just dumb. and i sit. with them. like that's really enough for me.

maybe saturday will be better.

except the only thing i know how to do is get a boy to touch me. the only thing i know: and i hate that.

and i'm not even enlivened by this passion. i just wanted to behappy with him.

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