obligation: 12-09-01 (8:47 pm)

i talked to max + paul.

max and i made small talk + then he asked me what i thought of friday. i said i didn't want to seriously date him. he then made me feel like the whole time he was just obliging what i wanted to do + didn't desire me at all...well maybe that was just my exageation of it but that's how i ended up feeling.

i talked to paul. paul seemed to think that max really wanted me. he couldn't imagine that i was desperate enough to hook up with him. he admits he's jealous though...i could date him, really really i could. or maybe not.he really is my best friend and i can see being physical with him. there's no way to mix those two elements without having an obligation to each other. i dont know if i want that. he means so incredibly much to me. i know he's not being totally honest and that he's hurt. he almost admitted it but dodged it. i wish i could tell him how much more he means to me than max. or really anyone else. with max all we talked about were facts but with paul all we ever talk about it how and why and it's so incredible.

< - > - all - p - n - d