missed: Jul. 26, 2002 (10:41 am)

when i saw eliza a week ago i thought it woul be nice just to see her. because she was quite a change from the actors this year--attentive, focused, and respectful. friday, she tod me about a book she was reading set at my school and we talked about history because she remembered how much i liked it. and it was so nice to be remembered in that way.

and i have this charles bukowski poem stuck in my head. 'you could have slept through it all and you never would have been missed. never would have been missed at all'

last night i sat there feeling waves of sickness again debating whether i should go home. and there were people whom i wanted to see (but i wasn't sure if they were in town--and i doubt severly if they were sick they would be considering me. i doubt out of lack of self worth, of corse. and the first set went on without me but i was back by the second but i can't shake the feeling that

i would have never been missed at all.

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