gap: Aug. 24, 2002 (7:59 am)

in the hours lost in my head i always imagined movies with him. and i'm just thinking back on the night not dissapointed; just i don't think it will be what i imagined. i don't think we'll ever be that close. i'm looking at them playing their love-games in the movie and in every face i see max. i see paul. and i know they weren't bad; but i just keep remembering how their faces change when they start kissing. the breaths of nonsense inbetween. how much i don't enjoy that. i look at him in his worn out camp shirt next to be but not really with me. i remember the couple that was there before. i wouldn't have wanted to be like them. it's just so much easier when it's all thought. i wonder how his face would alter. i hate love-speak.

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