excuse: Jun. 01, 2002 (4:37 pm)

like a drug, paul was something to cling to in order to cure my lonelines for it was far more satisfyin to fight with him than smoke outside. now, trying to replace him with max, i wonder what can i do. i want someone not by default, but because i truly want them. i just hate myself right now. lately, eating is hard, dreaming is impossible, and all i feel good doing is listening to ancient mix tapes and crying (and whining and moaning).

and i wonder, why is it that no body wants to be around me? they all desert it seems...or they ought to...who wants to be around someone to perpetually fucking miserable?

i miss december (it was only a little cold for the most part and the new year seemed so hopeful), i miss march (my fortune cookie boy, afternoons with caitlin) , i miss august (fugazi show, books, conor oberst discovery and new kind of like spitting albums). i want late summer nights forever.

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