dig: Jul. 12, 2002 (8:13 am)

the difference now is that i'm not lonely, i'm with people. and i still want him around. and it kills that it's been nearly two months and i'm afraid that's approaching forever. forever. (i thought see you was a promise but it was just a formality)

and if i had left when i wanted to leave. after i kissed him quickly and he said that crossed an internal boundary. things would have been fine. he said he wanted to make me feel better, not worse.

i miss you. because everything else in comparison seems replaceable. because time and again they've proven that it is. but each time we start talking again you proove that our relationship is not valueless. is it now?

and everything seems so hopless right now. i'm not going to meet anymore new people this summer. that hope is gone. and i don't even think i can go back and dig you back out. anymore. because i don't think you want to be dug out.

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