chase: May. 05, 2002 (11:39 am)

all i see is wonder or despair.

something, beauty, is there between. yet i can't see it. all i see is win or loose, live or die. there's no blood in my bathtub because i'm still here, and i'll never suceed because i don't even know what that is.

my father is a lawyer, and he has too much money. and my mother is a writer, non-fiction, and i'm afraid i'll become her. my brother is twenty-four and he lives at home.

and i choose to be ignored. choose silent screams. get scared of the newpaper article on teen depression. because maybe then they'll finally realize...everything about me. and i'll sit in a well furnished office, be force-fed all these chemicals. like a goose, make me worthwhile to you. something to present.

all i see is failures and dissapointments, which are really just failures thinly disguised.

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