before: May. 12, 2002 (1:05 pm)

i read over every old entry last night and realized how much i censor myself. how i try to pin down my feelings in one conclusive sentence which is never true, because i have feeling for too many people--and for all of them those feeling fluctuate.

an over-arching theme was loneliness. if there is one things that ties me to november it is that. and i look for anything to cure me of it, and grab onto it with such determination that i ignore everything else--and i get pushed away and find myself alone--more aone than before.

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