allow: Mar. 04, 2002 (7:11 pm)

i was right, i kept eye contact and he said hello to me. with a smile.

things aren't better with alex, but i feel like i'm approaching another point where i can ignore it. isn't that awful? he's one of the few people i've had an intellegent conversation with, and i'm willing to just ignore any problem. he's only my friend when she's not around, and attempting to spend less time with her doesn't make that any less true.

i don't exactly feel like i'm part of a group, yet i don't feel like such an odd man out.

i wish paul had been what he said he was. i wish i could still be in a park, staring someone in the eye wrapped up in a car blanket.

i am not going back to eigth grade. i will not let it get that way. my relationships will not become 90 minutes in a dark theater. i don't want that type of randomness.

i realize now that had the wis show not sold out several months ago i would have been quite a different person. i would've never kissed max, and i don't think me and paul would've gone out again. holy shit, my writing is suffering. just like before.

< - > - all - p - n - d