alchemy: Jul. 13, 2002 (10:55 pm)

i had a really fucking horrible night. and i think the worst part is knowing that these horrible evenings are all i have. where i realize nothing's changed in these four weeks. and things are going to resume in that same awful manner. forever?

i took painkillers when i got home. but they don't help. my body aches from so many snaps. i can't stand anything she says anymore. i don't care about it at all.

i remember a few months ago alex saying paul wasn't all i had. but he was. because no one else cares at all. no one else wants to be close. we're all waiting for something else to appear.

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