add: May. 19, 2002 (8:05 am)

people spend fourteen dollars on strawberry smoke and say that as long as you're going to be sitting around on your ass you may as well be here. they looked at her pictures and he asked if any one was allienated? she mentioned the one girl who got sent home 'cause she tried to commit suicide. and he kept repeating, cutting is so gross, man. i wished i was at home. except that was awful, as well.

nothing adds up at all. if he stopped because he felt like he was raping me, why did he say we can't meet like this anymore. and if he was just humoring me, why did he ask me to stay longer. and if it just didn't feel right why did he say that it felt like he was raping me...

we looked around his room and he asked me if i saw anything symbolic. i didn't, but i mentioned that something was annoying me because it as uneven, that it was bothering me the whole time. i wouldn't take it down, but he did and he said it opened the room up. his door was open, that blew me away, as i type this my door is closed. i even close my door when i do homework. i would have to close a million doors if i had him over, and a million more if he was laying with me.

i have no idea what happened.

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