emersonian conception: Oct. 12, 2003 (9:11 am)

last night my cousin said you looked really happy with what you've been working on. i remember last year you said you could see yourself getting really into it and i thought i could see myself getting really into my classes. the other day i took twice as long as anyone else on a quiz because it said "explore" and i kept writing and writing and writing. it was nice to think, not just consume. the problem with my classes is that i want to make something but i'm spending all my time carefully reading and escaping. it's been a long time since i've felt tense in a nice, productive way. i used to have nightmares about history finals, even though i knew everything would go fine, because i cared that much about understanding it all.

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