the pull of affection has a bleaching effect: Apr. 05, 2003 (9:26 pm)

i'm going to chicago in june. i'll come back and she'll be gone and i won't sit and think all the time time about how i used to be curious about her and how i used to be curious about me and how now i'm just bored and she makes me angry 'cause she's always angry. SHE IS. we were walking to get food and she said it's hard not to define yourself by a relationship.

the path of least resistence is not what comes easiest, it's what i do naturally. and it's hard but at least i don't feel wrong.

she doesn't get why her grades went down. she tells stories about so-and-so drunk and her smoking a cigarette without a filter. she complains about being nauseous. well, when i'm nauseous i stop. she says she'll go back when all these crazy kids leave but i think that if you know you are going down the wrong path you better try something else.

i have been alone a lot. and i've been exhausted. i've been taking cold showers and walking around in short sleeves. i can't get enough sleep. i saw paul today. i think we're just friends because we go way back. and that's fine.

< - > - all - p - n - d