i can't bid you to come naturally: Mar. 28, 2003 (10:57 am)

i can make mix-tapes of bands that i listened to when i was twelve, i can take the metro by myself, i can read books in a crowd, i can eat chinese food alone. i'm making lists in my head of what we really are. comraderie in booths, parking garage roofs, standing close, private shows, riding over water, expanding sponges, your untransformed face, my legs around your waist, a tape clicking off staying off, deliberate ink blots, a good-bye kiss, sad novels outloud, you facing the ceiling and me facing you, surpises at shows, me smiling at you smiling at me but having no idea what to say because mostly i just feel awkward and nervous and pushy now. i'm talking to my ex-favorite-friend about my favorite-books and i wish i could have friends like that now. i wish i was a neighborhood kid. wandering around as the street lights turn on sounds nice.

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