organize: Mar. 05, 2003 (6:33 am)

i woke up too early to finish up my work. now, it perpetually feels like bedtime but all i dream about is exploration. i wish people were closer because it's easier just to sit in silence than to feel forced to speak. i don't feel like rehashing my days anymore, but i also don't feel like being alone. it would be better if someone lived here so i wouldn't have to eat dinner or walk around the block alone. and then even when i was reading i wouldn't feel so out of pace with where i should be. it's 6.30 am and i can't really say what i'm trying to say.

last year at this time i was working on a painting listening to pavement and q and not u on my walkman in that sunny art room.

last night i made my mom cry. she said i was always the one who was on top of eveything and focussed. and i'm really not anymore. so today's wednesday. i wish i wasn't living in imposed to-do lists so i could say: today's wednesday!

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