hopeless: Jun. 14, 2002 (9:04 am)

i feel like such a bad feminist. max bought me dinner and later i cried because i was unloved. and it's not just being a bad feminist, it's being a weak human. and it's a constant feeling, and that's why i thinkit's so bad.

i had never actually been naked with someone else sober and in bright light. and i keep seeing him above me; looking and judging. sitting on his stomach i started crying. because i don't love him. because i was freaked out. and he wasn't a jerk. we laid on his bed talking and laughing instead. max is so good to me and i can't love him.

and later, i tell alex in the dim lights of logan's basement that i like him. and i find out he is hiding absolutely nothing from me.

i'm such a hopeless fucking romantic.

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