ennui: Apr. 01, 2002 (7:08 pm)

in the mess of excitement of bobby i forgot about someone i hurt.

i completely forgot. (and i'm not talking about meryl either)

today he said, 'what are you just going to lead me on forever?' and i didn't want to answer because his voice was loud and the theater echoes and i thought maybe if i was silent no one would realize he was talking to me.

i suppose the answer is yes.

nothing will ever happen. i won't let it.

so i seek occaisonal physical closeness to someone who doesn't intimidate me. it doesn't even make me feel much better.

so crusify me, i act partilly dishonestly. that's so fucking novel...i don't want romance for the sake of romance anymore. and i don't think that means that i'm back on my search for true love...

i just don't want to be acting out of boredom anymore.

so maybe the answer is no, because i won't be doing it anymore.

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