belong: Aug. 10, 2002 (7:29 pm)

next door my brother and his med-school friend are talking about workouts and saying they were only buzzed last night. only three drinks. that's twenty three, and that scared me before. i don't know what i'm going to do then. i already feel like everyone has their friends.

and i'm alone on a matress shivering; too tired to look up at the shooting stars, stuck listening to their voices.

i'm not going back. because i don't feel well; and also because i want to be part of ladyfest. because i feel more welcome there. and i get stricken with fear: have i changed? and then i remember last year i skipped environmental stuff for theater.

i give things up for art easily.

i lay on my bed missing paul. missing really talking to people. missing belonging with someone.

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