escape: Feb. 10, 2003 (5:27 pm)

i dont have much to say when she's talking about her dying grandpa or her plans of drivng aimlessly. and last night he was annoying me. so i'm afraid i am like paul. and not better, actually worse because i think i'm ok when i'm not. maybe i'm still a lot of things i think i'm not. or maybe it's just the difficulty of typing the right words when all i want to do is nap: maybe if we were together it would be ok. even if i didn't have anything to say i could sit in silence and listen. no other motive. just listening and responding if i have something worthwhile to say.

i'm feeling better but i can't go to school tomorrow because i'm not feeling well enough to do the work. learning driven by fear, not love i suppose. even if i denied it. i want to get out of here.

< - > - all - p - n - d