paul: Oct. 06, 2002 (7:47 am)

we all keep repeating the same things over and over and over. until we can do nothing but believe them. and i just am not sure how to know if i'm pretending. if this is just how i want to feel.

i used to cry when i talked to you. all the time. so i don't get it. why did we stay that way? why did i stay that way?

fear of being completely, completely alone.

you were a bully and i was weak. and i still don't understand if you thought i was so wonderful how is it so easy for you to stay away.

it's better. but still.

i used to think that you actually wanted to hear the truth. i used to think it was really important to you. but whenever i actually said it everything changed. i don't understand anything at all. and i can't believe how much you don't care. and sometimes all i want to do is say hah. and tell you wher i am.

but, you know, i might still just start to cry.

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